I had a pretty important exchange with my boy today.
It was prompted by an evening spent in frustration, the night before, as he tried to cram a weeks worth of homework into a four hour span. This, despite my warnings during the week. He and I had discussed and agreed that this work was to be completed before bedtime Friday evening (10:30 this particular Friday, since there wasn’t anywhere to be in the morning). We looked at how much work he had left from his summer break and he determined he definitely had enough time in the next 5 days to complete it all. He gave his word that it would be completed or that he would not have a weekend.
I had explained to him earlier in the week that there are two types of work that people do. That of the mind and that of the back. While neither one is more important than the other, if he chose not to spend time to train to do work of the mind; I assured him that I would make sure as his father, that he was capable of doing the other kind of work. Therefore he was going to spend his weekend doing a mixture of inside and outside chores.
He, of course, ignored my warnings, and chose to spend his days ignoring his work. At the end of the night on Friday, he went to bed defeated and asked with sad, 12 year old eyes:
Son: “Does this mean that I won’t have a weekend?”
Dad:“Well, while you did a lot of work today, you did not finish the work that I told you to complete. Do you think it is fair to reward bad performance or you breaking your word?”
Son: “No, I guess not…”
I knew, as many fathers would, that he was not doing the work because when my son is completing challenges and work he loves to tell me about it. But when he is not doing the right thing, he refuses to talk about it at all. That was when the reminders came out. I didn’t want to nag him, he needed to take responsibility for his work. I can’t always be there to remind him, so I had to let him succeed or fail on his own.
Our children’s choices aren’t about us, they are experiments in cause and effect. My son just learned the reality that work is important and had a reminder that you must be as good as your word...
I was disappointed that he chose to procrastinate and spoil his last weekend before school started. To be honest I was also a little annoyed, angry too. I didn’t want to be angry. I knew if I spent this weekend, frustrated and grumpy that it would ruin any fun we had in the summer and he would truly not learn anything from this experience. So, I prayed. I prayed to the Father who knew just how to show His love and teach a lesson. When I was done talking to God, He had a heart to heart with me. He inspired me through the Spirit. I poured over scripture that night…
…The next morning…
First thing in the morning, I had just awakened and I heard a knock on the door to my room.
Son: “Can I watch some TV?”
Dad: “Nope, not one second of it.”
Son: “Oh…um, okay.”
Dad: “Son, you are at an age where it is important, as the father of this house, for me to talk to you, make that discuss with you, important things that are on God’s heart for us to understand. It is my job to make sure you don’t just hear, but understand, what God’s Word has for us to know and what Jesus exemplified through His 33 years of life on this earth.” (I only used that word because it was one of his summer vocabulary words this week).
Son: “Okay, does that mean we have to talk now?”
Dad: “Yes, I think now is the perfect time. Come in and have a seat, I have been talking to God about what we think you and I should discuss today. Today, I want to discuss what you think about sin. Do know what sin IS? “
Son: “Well yeah, I guess it’s, well it’s like, when we do something bad… right? Like in the 10 commandments.”
Dad: “Sort of, yes. But more specifically, it is when we do something, ANYTHING that is opposite of God’s will for us. When Jesus discussed how to live, in the ‘Sermon on the Mount’ ( Mat 5:1 – 7:17 ) , He said things like: “
“…I tell you, everyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. … … whoever says, ‘You moron!’ will be subject to hell-fire.” – Matt 5:22
“So even having anger or hate in our hearts is sin. God doesn’t expect us to be perfect, and He doesn’t expect us to understand His will completely and perfectly, but God is Holy and perfect, so His standards have to be also.”
Son: “Yeah, I get that.”
Dad: “Good.. So do you think it’s FAIR that God judges us so harshly?”
Son: “Sure. He gave us free will because he loves us, right? And we have to chose to do the right thing. Even though God told us how to live, we choose to do the wrong things. So we have to listen to what God tells us or we are punished.”
Dad: “That’s right. And the Bible tells us that the punishment is always death. (v) In Genesis, the Hebrew the word used for “death” means literally “in your dying, you will die” when talking about the penalty for the first sins. So that tells me that before our separation from God’s presence, we had no fear of death because we didn’t have a life span, our spirits were alive in Him. Because of sin we are born separated from God, our spirits are dead in our sin(v). That’s why Jesus came for us.”
“So what about the different type of sin. Is it all the worthy of the same punishment? Is a murderer, the same as a thief? Is a hate in our heart treated the same as having an impure thought?”
Son: “Sure, but I don’t know why. It just is.”
Dad: “Well, it’s like this. God is a perfect being. He is perfectly Holy and just or righteous. His standards have to be the same because He is always the same. He never lies, never cheats, can never be impure or evil. It is by that standard we are judged in order to be in His presence. It’s not that God can’t be around evil, in (the book of) Job God allowed Satan to be in God’s presence while Job’s faithfulness was tested. (v) It is simply, that in order for us to be in His presence, to fully honor the Lord, we must be presented as righteous.(v) In order for us to be Holy and set apart, we must be redeemed from all sins. Before Jesus that was done through a sin offering, but Jesus, who did not sin, became the perfect and holiest sin offering that could pay the redemption price for our sins. All of them (sins), from the beginning to the end of time.”
Son: “I can get that.”
Dad: “We are pretty thick though. People are kinda slow. So God gives us more than words, because words like “don’t do this”, and “do that”, are not enough. The Bible is God’s gift, a collection of 66 individual books that show us examples of how to be and how not to be. These are captions of history that have depicted righteous men like Joshua, Caleb and Job. There are even books that talk about how we should NOT be, like Jonah’s refusal to honor God’s will(v). It shows us consequences and rewards and over it all it shows us Jesus’s love for us.”
“In the book of John (John 8:2-11) there is a story about a woman that is brought to Jesus who was caught in the act of adultery. I call it a story because not all of the (known original language) copies of the Bible have this account in it. But this story is in line with Jesus’s behavior in all other areas of scripture so I choose to think that it is accurate and true. Do you remember what adultery is?”
Son: “Yes, I do.”
Dad: “Okay, so she is brought to Jesus by the scribes and Pharisees, who were like the lawyers of the law that was given to us through Moses. These guys wanted to trip up Jesus and see if he would betray the law, knowing full well that Jesus spoke of love and forgiveness. So they said to Jesus, what do we do with her?”
” But check this out, Jesus plays it cool, and starts drawing in the sand like he is board. Those drawings become scribbles and then scribbles become words. Jesus simply says: “
“Let those of you without sin throw the first stone.” – John 8:7
“and continues writing on the ground. As these accusers see their own sins written in the sand they start to leave one by one until none are left.”
“This story can teach us three things. The first is that Jesus did not come to earth to accuse us but to show us love, grace and redemption. The second is that even though Jesus did come, there will always be a price to pay for our sins on earth. The woman was found, dragged into public and called names. This embarrassed her; and her family was shamed by her actions. She did not pay the ultimate price of death as the law commanded but she still had to endure the results of her sin. There is no escape from that. The third but not the last thing I learned and I want you to understand, is that belief in Jesus was not enough. Jesus gave her a command that went with his grace and forgiveness. “
“Neither do I condemn you,” said Jesus. “Go, and from now on do not sin anymore.” – John 8:11
“So he tells her to repent. Repent means to change your mind and heart in a way that changes your life and your behavior.”
Son: ” So a revolution for your mind and soul”. ( That was also a vocabulary word this week.)
Dad: “Right, exactly. A spiritual revolution. I am glad you get it.”
At this point he was actually listening and engaged. I was filled with joy that we were on the same level here. Then I knew it was time to bring it to the subject he needed to hear. The tone was still calm but the mood changed serious very quickly.
Dad: “Son, I am the father of this family. In God’s direction, I am the spiritual head of this house and it is my responsibility to lead this family in a way that honors God. I am very glad in my heart that you understand these things. So in understanding these things I must ask you, when you chose sloth or laziness over getting your work done, did that honor God or this family?”
Son: “No, sir. It didn’t”
Dad: “When we discussed the amount of work that you had, you told me you absolutely could and would have it completed by last night. Did you honor God or your parents by not fulfilling your agreement, which to my understanding constitutes a lie?”
Son: “No, I didn’t.”
Dad: “So then am I justified in assigning your punishment for not completing this task, as you promised?”
Son: “What?”
Dad: “According to our discussion, your failure to follow through, and the consequences we discussed, am I, in any way, being unreasonable when I tell you that you must now pay those penalties?”
At this point the look of defeat and sadness could only be described as a convicted man awaiting sentencing. He nodded in acceptance and when prompted he finally answered.
Son: “No, you are not being unreasonable.”
Dad: “Good, I want to be sure that you understand. Now you need to look at me so I know you are paying attention, because you need to hear and understand this.”
My son looked up at me and stared into my eyes. The anxiety in his face driven by an expectation of the first of many assignments. He had no defense and was ready for the torment to begin.
Dad: “We discussed your work, because you need to understand that work is important. God created us to do work that honors him. That means at school, in an office or other work, and in our homes and churches. I want you to gain knowledge and seek after wisdom because the Bible tells us in Proverbs that one who seeks knowledge will have a long and prosperous life, while the fools that hate wisdom will surely die. I am your father, I love you, and I want you to have a long and prosperous life.”
My son nodded acceptance and understanding. He was still waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Dad: “As we agreed, I am in my right to demand payment for your actions. But I want you to understand one more thing that words will not teach you. I am offering you grace. You are forgiven of your sloth and for not honoring your promise. There is no punishment for you today, I am paying the price. I will have someone else do that work.”
At this point my son stared at me in disbelief. He had no clue what to say.
Son: “What?”
Dad: “Jesus came to earth, lived a sinless life so that we would know how to face sin. Jesus was tempted as a man and conquered temptation through His knowledge of scripture and his faith in the Father. Jesus was killed, sacrificed as the only sacrifice that could pay the price for us. He is fully God so he still conquered sin, death and the enemy who accuses us. I am giving you grace because Jesus does that for us each and every day because he loves us so completely. I am your dad and I love you that much too. Today is completely free from any guilt or condemnation about this, there is no punishment, but you must change your behavior.”
“I am giving you grace because Jesus does that for us each and every day because he loves us so completely. I am your dad and I love you that much too.”
At this point, all was silent easily for 10 minutes as he stared at his feet and processed the conversation. When he finally stood and looked up with tears on his face. He simply said:
Son: “I was not expecting that. Thanks.”
He gave me a huge hug and walked out of the room.
Today, my son saw a practical example of grace and forgiveness. My son understands that I love him completely. These are things that most of the time words are not enough to explain them and make them understood. Today, I know my son heard, saw, and understood me clearly.
That was at 9:15 am. It has been a good day. I am so blessed to be a father.
God answers prayer, God is good…. All the time….
May Jesus have His way with your day
He is Founder and consultant for Tek Management,
Founder of the Men’s Leadership site: CalebStrong.org,
Co-Founder of the online Bible study app: BibleCounts
This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 License.
© 2008-2021: All content on this and other pages within the TekMan family of domains are the specific intellectual property of the owner of the site, Tek Management and/or TheStrongFoundation.org.
Content may be reused or reproduced according to the licensing restrictions without the specific permission of the owner or a reference to the source as per the licensing restrictions found at the link above.
Opinions of the authors may be generated from content obtained from other sources and such content is referenced as appropriate.